now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
