Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
