I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
