Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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