I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
