i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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