Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
