Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
