if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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