they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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