Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
