allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
