So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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