I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
