ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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