she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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