Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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