It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
