I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
