wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
