Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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