you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
