I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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