His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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