dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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