One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
