Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
