just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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