i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
