I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
