yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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