I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
