i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
