Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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