it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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