Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
