I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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