Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The struggles of a small town man whore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my liver is dry heaving
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
