I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
