He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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