Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
