Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
