Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
