Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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