Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
