So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
