I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
