omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
