Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love having hate sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
