Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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