she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
